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When I first heard news of the accidental shooting off of Jose Canseco’s finger by none other than Jose Canseco himself, I immediately began preparations of my “All Canseco Twitter Roundup” but in the days following I restrained myself because the incident, which could have easily been much more serious, seemed to really shake the man and I thought it was in bad taste to make light of such a serious situation. Then came the tweets from Jose Canseco on Friday. Now it’s go time!
Dam I was playing in a poker tournament last night and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
Ok. This could be anything. Did your finger turn blue? Were the cards sticking to your finger? Did it fall off of your hand completely? Who knows. The possibilities are endless!
I knew something crazy was going to happen with this dam finger cause it felt like it was falling off.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
Wow, you’re quite the tease, Jose Canseco. Also, you spelled damn wrong, but I’ll forgive you because you’re clearly building to something. You’re foreshadowing a crazy finger incident revolving around a finger that “feels” like it’s going to fall off. I can’t wait to see where you’re going with this.
Ok well I might as well tell you .I was playing in a poker tournament last night and my finger fell off .someone took a video of it.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
@#$%! Your finger actually fell off? I mean, come on. You’re being hyperbolic, right? You just said that you felt like it was going to come off and now it’s off? Oh, wait, there’s video? Well, until I see the video or hear you boast about how you’re stronger now for having lost the finger, I’m not going to believe it’s true.
I could probably hit a softball further with 9 fingers .less weight means more bat speed. Lol
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 15, 2014
Oh my goodness, it’s true! But, wait, how could a finger that was surgically assembled simply fall off. Also, how did the finger smell? These are the questions I demand answers to!
My finger should have been amputated from the beginning. It was very loose with no bone to connect it.it was also smelling really bad.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 14, 2014
I bet a long time ago you could easily loose a finger a hand or even your life in a poker game if you couldn't pay up.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 15, 2014
That’s probably true but I’m pretty sure if you lost a bet involving your finger, someone had to cut it off after the fact. Fingers rarely just fell off at the poker table in the wild wild west.
I put my finger in the freezer anyone want finger appetizers.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 15, 2014
I think the phrase you’re looking for are finger foods. Also, I think this tweet is disgusting. Take the thing out of your freezer. If it fell off once, it’ll just fall off again and in a more inappropriate scenario. Time for a prosthetic. But wait, there’s more!
You guys won't be laughing when Jose Canseco makes his comeback as a pitcher with the filthiest split-finger fastball you've ever seen.
— Chad Finn (@GlobeChadFinn) October 29, 2014
I guess Jose was done shooting himself in the foot.
— 2x Derby Winner Gags (@FauxMikeGallego) October 29, 2014