Jose Canseco wants to be President of the United States

WASHINGTON - MARCH 17: Former Major League Baseball player Jose Canseco is sworn in during a House Committee hearing investigating steroid use in baseball on Capitol Hill March 17, 2005 in Washington, DC. Major League Baseball (MLB) Commissioner Allen "Bud" Selig will give testimony regarding MLB?s efforts to eradicate steriod usage among its players. (Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images)
WASHINGTON - MARCH 17: Former Major League Baseball player Jose Canseco is sworn in during a House Committee hearing investigating steroid use in baseball on Capitol Hill March 17, 2005 in Washington, DC. Major League Baseball (MLB) Commissioner Allen "Bud" Selig will give testimony regarding MLB?s efforts to eradicate steriod usage among its players. (Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images) /
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Jose Canseco is back, and this time he has a new angle – attempting to run for President of the United States.

Everyone’s favorite former Oakland A turned Twitter crackpot Jose Canseco has resurfaced. After challenging Alex Rodriguez to a bare knuckle boxing match and wondering why he has yet to receive a major league coaching job (I wonder why) Canseco began to ruminate on the current events going on around the country.

Over the course of his many tweets and musings, he hit upon an idea – running for President of the United States. He pointed out that he could not cause more issues than the U.S. is currently facing and vowed to fix the current system – possibly with extraterrestrial help.

Canseco certainly has an ambitious platform. He is promising an army of robots to root out corruption – not just in the U.S., but around the world. Canseco vows to systematically eliminate racism, downsize politics by 70%, and bring real change to the country.

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But to do that, Canseco needs your help. He wants everyone interested in his platform to donate $1, just one measly dollar, to make his vision a reality. His campaign will truly be a campaign by the people, for the people. And, possibly, for extraterrestrial beings and Bigfoot. He also has one catchy campaign slogan – “Speak your mind and carry a big stick.” The photo attached just screams presidential.

There is one small flaw in Canseco’s plan – he was born in Cuba. As such, he is not eligible to be President of the United States, a fact that may have escaped his memory. Maybe that ball hit his head a lot harder than we all realized.

In fact, this sort of sounds like the world’s worst pyramid scheme. Give Canseco a dollar, and he will fix all the world’s problems. Ya know, just like how, if you pay to hang out with him for a weekend, you will get to meet a real alien AND Bigfoot. It will also absolutely be Jose that is there for the weekend, and not his twin brother Ozzie.

Remembering Rick Monday. dark. Next

Jose Canseco wants to be President. Unfortunately for the country and the rest of the world, that just cannot happen.

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